Hello iWaited Family!! Welcome to this month’s feature!!!
This month features Erin and Kellen Moore. They are NEWLYWEDS! They were married in October 2013. They’ve been married for less than a year. Erin and Kellen currently live in Washington, D.C. I “met” Erin and Kellen after posting the November feature that featured Ameka and Dan. Erin commented on Facebook and since I’m a Waiters stalker :), I inboxed her, and the rest is history. Erin and Kellen are a young couple that are serious about their faith walk. I was totally impressed by them and I know you will be as well.
Help me welcome Erin and Kellen!!
- What is your name and tell me a little bit about yourself?
Kellen: I’ll start. My name is Kellen, Kellen Moore, husband in the Moore’s duo. We were married on October 12th 2013, we’re newlyweds. We live in D.C. and we met each other in Washington, D.C. Erin’s older brother actually introduced us and he said that we would get married. Interesting story is that with my wife, I say that we were love at 2nd sight :). We met at a church event. I don’t know if it was because her brother made the introductions but there weren’t necessarily fireworks then. The second time we met we just decided to connect for lunch, I didn’t really have a lot of expectations but immediately I was in awe and wowed. We met for lunch and it was like “whoa”. I’ll pass it over to my better half.
Erin: I’m Erin Henderson Moore and I’m from Dallas. We met in D.C. and we now live together with our dog Max. We run and hang out, that’s about it.
- How long did you date and how long was your engagement?
Erin: We actually have an interesting story. We were best of friends for about a year. We started dating and dated for a month and broke up for a week. Then we dated for another month and then broke up for 7 months. Then we got back together and dated for a year. We then got engaged on May 14, 2013 and were engaged for 5 months and then got married.
3. How early on in the relationship did the subject of sex come up?
Erin: For us like I said we go to church together, so that was always the expectation. We didn’t really even have to talk about it. Purity was always a standard for us in our faith even as friends. We talked about boundaries of purity, we didn’t talk about our sexual encounters but that was always known because of our faith. When we first started dating, we did set some physical boundaries. For example, Kellen said “I don’t even want to hold hands” and I said “absolutely not that’s just too much”. That to me was a little strict. We decided that holding hands was fine. Our boundaries did evolve over time. We decided that our first kiss on the lips would be at the altar and that was hard. There were kisses on the cheeks and on the hands but we didn’t kiss on the lips until we were married—
Kellen: —Our first kiss that we shared was on our wedding day.
Erin: It’s hard but God was definitely keeping us. We got closer to marriage and made sure we really guarded those boundaries. We had to decide what we needed to put in place to make sure we don’t slip up.
Kellen: In the bible, 1 Timothy [1 Timothy 5:2] I believe, it says treat women as sisters in absolute purity and let there not be a hint of sexual immorality. Going into a relationship, we had a lot of that perspective and that was a shared conviction that we had. As we dated we had people that we would connect with (at church), other dating and married couples. I don’t know if I recommend to people to date like you’re married but I think that there are certain principles you can take from marriage. If you’re dating purposefully you’re going to want to have certain habits from the beginning. You don’t find dating in the bible because it’s a construct of the 20th century. I think independently our attitude was Love God and when you’re dating as Christians I think that’s what you’re looking for in a potential mate anyway; someone that has a passion for that [loving God]. I think that’s what drew me to Erin, amongst other things, chief was that she loves God. When you start there it really helps. I’m happy our purity was able to work out.
Me: I really like the point you made about dating like you’re married. Because we’ve dated so much like the world we don’t go into it thinking long term. Men don’t go into it thinking I should protect her and women don’t go into it thinking I should submit. That’s a really good point.
4. How long were you abstaining before your met your mate?
Kellen: Good question. —–
Erin: —Kellen was a virgin.
Kellen: Erin was the first girl that I had intercourse with.
Me: So you were both virgins when you got married.
Erin: No, I had been abstaining 4 years when I met Kellen.
5. If you hadn’t abstained before, what made this relationship different?
Erin: In my relationship with Kellen I knew that our faith was so important. I knew for myself that the next person I was intimate with would be my husband, assuming that God blessed me with one. I’ve been in the world, it wasn’t fulfilling or fun. It was empty. For me it was an easy choice.
6. If a virgin, what made you decide to stick to your guns?
Kellen: It’s probably just the grace of God –laughs—There were some days in college—–Scripture says to train up a child in the way they should go and they will not depart from it. My mom—Sundays we were at church. For me, I got lucky—For whatever reason I always had a passion to stay faithful. As part of my spiritual walk, I was baptized and I took my faith into my own hands my freshman year of college. Once you’re out of the house the question then becomes “You grew up this way but when you’re out of mom’s home is it still going to matter? Are you going to stay faithful?” Interestingly I started to really invest in my faith a lot more. God is real and His grace—there are all these competing worldviews—I’m just glad I was able to accept that. It was God’s grace, my mom and meeting the right people coming into college. I met a great friend who was a minister at a church and we sat down and studied the bible. I had other interactions with women but I didn’t have intercourse that’s why I say it’s the grace of God. I knew that this was what The Word said and fortunately I was in a place where that was enough for me. A lot of people can grow up with it but for whatever reason you get to college or you reach a certain stage and say “Ok, I’ve heard enough”. For me, The Word it just made sense to me and this was the way I was going to do it.
7. In what ways do you think, keeping sex out of your relationship benefitted the relationship?
Erin: For us it brought a lot of security. In past relationships I had the fear of, if I didn’t have sex with them they were going to break up with me. But with Kellen I knew that he loved me and knew me well. Kellen and I work but we’re definitely opposites in personalities so we’re able to have deep conversations and spend lots of time together. We would argue world views and politics, sports and I know about his family. I know what excites him and what frightens him and what makes him tick. I was in this relationship with my eyes open, God really took the scales off of my eyes. Yes I am very much attracted to him and I think he’s handsome—it helps that he’s easy on the eyes—but it wasn’t motivated by anything other than love and friendship. At the end of the day that’s my friend and he knows me well, and there’s no insecurity there. I’ve had sex before where there was no commitment and then you breakup and it’s painful. I gave something I’ll never get back.
Kellen: I know that my marriage isn’t based on some sort of fleeting, ethereal—I know that my marriage is based on God. I would imagine that if you’re sexually involved with someone it could cloud things. Our marriage is built on The Rock. We had to talk and see what else was there besides the physical.
8. Were you ever tempted to give in to the temptation to have sex?
Kellen: I definitely had moments when we were dating, especially if you don’t keep your mind right—one of the times we had a hug and I may have had a bit more in mind than just a hug. That’s why the boundaries thing can be so beneficial. You have to decide personally what’s ok for you and what’s not. We wouldn’t hang out at my place or her place alone. The closer we got to marriage we started to relax a little bit. There could be moments when we were alone and if I allowed my mind to wander something inappropriate could cross my mind. The good thing is because we had certain boundaries like the kissing thing. Some people thought we were being extreme. Sometimes you start with a kiss but you don’t end that way. For us it minimized the chance of ending up in a “heat of the moment” situation. Luckily we didn’t have any close calls.
Erin: It was never the urge to have sex, per se. For me, we were always really close about cuddling and hugging. For a woman it’s lot more mental, wondering how it would be once we’re married. I wish he could touch me in a loving way.
Kellen: For Christians, something to ponder is in a dating relationship where you are waiting; you have to decide what it would mean for you to break those sexual boundaries you’ve established. For the both of us, at least in my mind, to mess up in purity it wouldn’t have been good for us. I don’t want to say that we would have broken things off, but there might have been some additional space; taking some time to assess where we are. But I said, I love Erin so much that I don’t want to mess it up. Why not just do it the right way and make her my wife?
9. Why do you believe God asks us to remain pure before marriage?
Erin: STD’s, unwanted pregnancies, broken families…Those are not God’s plan. As a woman, we really want a man that loves us unconditionally, cares for us, respects us and provides us. There’s no insecurity and you really feel beautiful. And the truth it, we really can’t do that outside of marriage because there is no real commitment. I know that it’s so much better with my husband because he’s committed to me. I don’t worry about whether he’s looking at other women. Scripture talks about part of your job as a wife is to meet your husband’s needs. That protects of us from all of those things. All of those other people that you gave yourself to stand at the altar with you and that was not God’s plan.
10. What are some finals thoughts/words of encouragement for the readers?
Erin: I would say that there are good-looking, normal, successful men out there. The man of your dreams is really out there. My idea in waiting was that no one is really going to do this. No man really lives this life. I thought I might be a single, old maid adhering to my purity standard. No, the man of your dreams is out there and he’s waiting for you too. That was really assuring for me. Kellen has all of his legs and arms and most of his teeth J. This guy is just incredible, we have a lot in common, he’s attractive and he was also waiting.
Kellen: Stay strong. You can do it. Over 2000 years ago, God put on flesh and changed the world as we know it. Let’s focus on that amazing Gospel message. With the Gospel we can find the strength to wait for that person. Keep praying and know that you’re not the only one waiting. There are a lot of things that want to distract us from the Gospel but keep your focus. I’m looking forward to hearing more waiting stories that bring glory to God.
Me: This whole purity movement for me is bigger than just waiting until marriage to have sex. It’s also about having genuine marriages. There are a lot of people that are married and they’re not happy.
Erin: I think we have to clarify that marriage is not necessarily the goal, the life goal. If purity is a struggle in the beginning then it could be a struggle in your marriage. The goal is to get to heaven, it’s so much better. To please God, to bring God glory and that can be done in singlehood and marriage. I remind myself of that all of the time. God still calls us to the same standard in marriage.
Kellen: Brothers can’t be—I’m gonna say the P-word J—watching pornography. It destroys marriages. Brothers can’t have wandering eyes. If any men would like to talk about purity, they can definitely email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I absolutely love Erin and Kellen! They truly blessed me with their testimony! Next time I’m in D.C. we will have to do lunch 🙂