Hello iWaited Family! I would like to welcome you to this month’s feature!!
This month features Ameka and Dan Coleman. They are NEWLYWEDS. They just got married on July 6, 2013. Ameka and Dan currently live in Dallas, Texas. Ameka is in the healthcare field and Dan is in Education. I ran across Ameka on a natural hair blog where she was featured as a Natural Bride. From there I went to her wedding website and instantly loved their story. I knew from the way Dan spoke about covering her in prayer that they had to have waited. I hit her up on Facebook and the rest is history! Help me welcome Ameka and Dan .
- What is your name and tell me a little bit about yourself?
Ameka: My name is Ameka Coleman and I was born and raised in Jackson, Mississippi. I recently moved to Dallas about 3 years ago. I moved here to further my education in the healthcare field. I’m currently working in a hospital.
Dan: Hi, my name is Dan Coleman and I’m also originally from Mississippi. I’m in education working with high school and college students, something I’m extremely passionate about. I recently moved to the Dallas area about 2 ½ months ago after Ameka and I got married.
- How did you meet your mate?
Dan: Well this is my version *laughs*. At the time, I was a huge sports fan and there was a basketball game at the school that night. Ameka was working the nacho stand in the basketball arena and I passed by looking and smiling to get her attention while trying to make eye contact. I was shy and a bit of an introvert. I continued to go to the basketball games trying to catch her eye. I ended up moving into the same apartment complex that she was living in and had no idea. One day she struck up a conversation about Kirk Franklin, who’s my favorite gospel artist and we went from there.
Ameka: It started off as he said. I was working the nacho stand when I noticed this little guy and I wondered “Why is he giving me the eye, like he’s checking me out? Is he stalking me?” That was for about three months, I was working there for a while. I then noticed that he lived in the same complex as me. We had a conversation and talked about Kirk Franklin and we became friends from there. I would have parties and gatherings at my place but he would never take part. This was back in the day when I wasn’t living the saved life, I was just doing me. He was kind of reserved, I guess he was living that saved life back then *laughs* and didn’t want to be involved. I think he felt like an outcast. So we talked from a distance.
- How long did you date and how long was your engagement?
Ameka: This is pretty interesting. During the time that I was in Mississippi from 2006 to 2009, we were just friends. We called ourselves trying to date but it wasn’t anything serious, well I didn’t think it was serious. I wasn’t really interested; it was just something to do. Over time he made his love known and pursued me but I wouldn’t give him the time of day. He wasn’t the typical guy that I would have gone for back then. I usually went for the bad guy. He was just reserved, well-dressed, and well-mannered.
Ameka said Dan was well-dressed and well-mannered but she still wouldn’t go for him. Isn’t it like us ladies to overlook the NON-flashy guy because he’s too “normal”. *sigh* We’ll get it right one day…hopefully
Ameka: Most people at the time would have probably looked at Dan back then and think” Man, he’s lame!” *both laugh* I had no idea that he was a gem standing in front of me all along. He pursued me but I resisted. After 5 years of being friends, it was New Year’s Eve and I went to church with a friend, I went to the altar and I can’t really explain it but it was like a revelation where God showed me that this he is the guy for you so stop running, here he is. I called Dan on the phone and I said “I know this is kind of crazy don’t think this is weird, but is the opportunity still open for me to be your girlfriend”? He got really quiet and starting huffing and puffing and he said I will call you back (crying). He called back and said “Yes, Yes” and I thought it was so sweet that he accepted my proposal to be together after all the years that I had resisted. He had been pursuing me for so long so I thought that I could at least initiate that part of it again.
Dan: Ameka told me once she moved that she wanted to date other people in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. Even though that was very tough for me, I knew I had to do what God had called me to do. This at the time was to be her friend and pray for her and cover her in prayer. Anytime I would pray, I felt that there were 3-4 things that God was teaching me. He was teaching me “1. What is your purpose by pursuing this young lady? 2. If you’re going to pursue her make sure to pursue her with a passion. Do it wholeheartedly. 3. And make sure you’re able to provide for her, not just financially but emotionally and spiritually” During that time that we were separated and just friends. God took me through a process of cleaning my spirit and made sure I didn’t have any baggage. He made me into a man who didn’t just go to church on Sunday but a man who studied His word daily and follows His Word. Even when she moved to Dallas and was dating other guys, I prayed for her daily. God had a plan. It was all about trusting Him and believing Him. I had already told all of my friends that God would reveal my wife to me by December 31st, and no one could shake that. I knew in my spirit that God had prepared me for that.
Bonus question: You said that God said that He would reveal your wife to you, was there a peace about it or you feel like God said it?
Dan: It was a peace and it was something within my spirit that I could not shake. It sometimes felt like God had come down and spoken to me face to face. The reason why I felt so strongly about it was because God had delivered me from all of the struggles in my past. And this was Him saying “Now I’ve purified you, and now you can lead a marriage and a young lady the way it’s supposed to be and do it my way”. One thing I tell every guy that I meet now is that if you don’t understand Ephesians 5:25 then you’re not ready for marriage.
Ameka: I’ll follow up with this. It was around September, or maybe it was the summer when He told me what God had told him. Me being his friend I didn’t want to see him hurt and I let him know that those were some very bold words to say. I said what if December 31st comes around and it doesn’t happen because you’re setting high standards, I don’t want to see you hurt. He so firmly believed it and I kind of thought he was coo coo. I thought that was some strong faith. After it came to pass, we didn’t think about it for a couple of days. I brought it up a few days later and it was mind-boggling, it gives you shivers. It seemed like something out of a movie. That experience along just let me know that God is SO real and that He is so in tune with us and that He’s so close that He can speak things right to you.
- How early on in the relationship did the subject of sex come up?
Dan: You know what’s so weird, even when we were friends in Mississippi, we were hanging out one night and she just said I’m celibate, what about you? And my response was “I’m trying to” because back then I was struggling trying to fit into the world’s view. At the end of the day she told me what she stood for and I was attracted to that. She was firm in it and there was no way around it. We both talked what we stood for and she said “the next guy that I have an intimate moment with will be my husband” and I was like WOW, that’s amazing. I had never been the type of guy to be with many women, God had protected me from that area. God kept us and protected us and we’ll be able to tell our daughter and son that we did it the right way.
Ameka: I remember sitting on the couch with him when the sex issue came up and he said he was “trying” not to do it. I told him if he really was “trying” not to do it, then he wouldn’t do “it” at all. I was not a virgin when I met my husband and I tried for years before him to abstain but it never worked out. He was so much stronger in that area and I never felt like I was pressured into going down that road and that made it a breeze for us. It was minimum effort on my part. I do feel that if there was pressure involved then I probably would have fallen again because before it was a continuous cycle. In the end, God saw us through.
Dan: I had done everything a person does when preparing for sex except actual intercourse with a woman. I grew up for about 17 years not really knowing who God was. God had something special for my life because as much as I tried to have sex I could never succeed. Even in my college years, God still protected me. When I met Ameka and developed a friendship and found out where she stood on the issue of sex it really helped to solidify what I needed to do. God took me to another level about how He wanted me to be special. He kept me even when I saw my friends doing it and I wanted to do it too. But He wouldn’t allow it even when I got upset with Him.
- Did you both have to come to agreement to wait or did it go unsaid that you both would wait for marriage to have sex?
Dan: After that first conversation, we knew that once we got into a relationship there was no turning back. We knew that we wanted it to be extremely special and to be able to say that it could be done the right way.
- How long were you abstaining before your met your mate?
Ameka: When I first met Dan, I had just had my last sexual encounter a couple of months before. When I met him, we became friends and there were no other guys in the picture so it was easier. This summer made six years.
Dan: Before we met, I had never gone down that road (having actual intercourse). But I had done other things in that area that wasn’t pleasing to God.
- If you hadn’t abstained before, what made this relationship different?
Dan: For me, it was because Ameka was my first girlfriend. I had a lot of crushes back in the day, but they hadn’t given me the time day. They would always tell me that I wasn’t the guy they wanted to date at the moment but I was the type to settle down with eventually.
Ameka: I always desired a spiritual guy, a guy who was living right and actually showed it, not someone who just said it. I dated guys before who pretended to be but they were Lucifer himself. With Dan, he was so genuine and so real. I knew that this was the type of guy who could be a leader and someone you could raise a family together with. I was once like the other girls that Dan mentioned when they stated that he was the type to settle down with but not at that moment. That was the biggest mistake that they could have ever made because they just don’t know what they passed up. *laughs* It was his spirituality and how much it showed that instantly drew me to him and he was always so humble. You know how when the Spirit is in someone and you can walk up to them and it just glows over them; well yea that’s what made all of the different to me.
- Were you a virgin when you married or did you choose to abstain after having sex?
Dan: When people would find out that I was a virgin they would always try to give me a pat on the back and say “you did it” but I know that I did other things that weren’t pleasing to God. God was so merciful to me in the midst of my struggle. It so humbles me.
- In what ways do you think keeping sex out of your relationship benefitted the relationship?
Ameka: That’s like a novel *laughs*
Dan: We did some extreme things to “keep” ourselves and some people may have thought it didn’t take all that. We tried our best not to listen to certain music that would take our mind there and we were very careful about the conversations that we had. We didn’t want to go down the road and start doing things that weren’t pleasing to Him but still want him to give us His anointing and blessing. We wanted to be different in that area and to be able to represent Him. When you grow close to someone emotionally you may have to say this prayer a lot “God, I love You and I need You” 🙂
Ameka: I told Dan before that if we would have had sex I truly believe that we probably wouldn’t be married today. That would have been, for me, a vicious cycle. He wouldn’t have done anything I wasn’t used to. We built each other up; we truly got to know each other as friends, our strengths and weaknesses. We got to know each other on a level where our judgment wasn’t clouded at all by anything sexual. Whenever you’re in relationship with someone and you’re intimate and those emotions take over, even if it’s an abusive relationship, it definitely clouds your judgment.
- Were you ever tempted to give in to the temptation to have sex?
Ameka: Yes, countless times. The whole time during our relationship up until we moved in together we were long distance. We weren’t in the same city around each other every day like a typical couple. I think if that was the case, it would have made the temptations stronger because you get more comfortable around that person. We saw each other maybe 4-5 times a year. As the relationship grew, there were times when we would be watching a movie and you kind of get the urge to take it there but we had to stop ourselves. I can’t say we never had temptations.
Dan: It was tough but it was so worth it.
- Why do you believe God asks us to remain pure before marriage?
Dan: Number one it’s His Word. He tells us about sexual immorality. Number two God wants us to do things the right way not because He’s a mean God but because He has standards. It’s either by His standard or no way at all. Number three God doesn’t want our minds filled with all the nonsense that we shouldn’t have to deal with. When you give yourself away you’re linking up as one and you have no idea what you’re linking yourself to spiritually. You may not have a baby or get an STD but think about how you feel afterwards. Yes, He’s a merciful God but when it’s done the right way He blesses it.
Ameka: There are so many reasons to name. Your judgment is clouded. When you have multiple partners it’s like you’re leaving pieces of you with each person. It can really wreck a person emotionally and cause you to fall into a state of depression. It’s unnecessary stress that he never intended for us to have. He meant for things to be decent and in order and it all for our good.
- What are some finals thoughts/words of encouragement for the readers?
Dan: Try to do it the right way. Be open to God and be transparent with God. When you are struggling, tell Him. Find someone who loves Jesus more than you do. Someone who will catch you by your collar and let you know when to calm down. And keep the benefits in mind. The enemy is so sneaky, smooth and calm and tells you that “instant gratification” is the way to go. Anything that you feel that you have to have right now is of the enemy. God wants us to look at the much bigger picture. Lastly, guys remember Ephesians 5:25 and know what it means.
Ameka: Find a support group, a group of people who you can confide in; accountability partners. Don’t get someone who’s out there and they’re engaged in that same issue that you are already struggling with and potentially cause you to stumble more. Get people who are going to be honest with you. Pray together as a couple and stay accountable together. This gives you that good fear (reverence). For some people it may be better for them not to be together after a certain time, watch certain movie, or even kiss. It will be different for each couple but you have to know your limits. Sitting and devising strategies to minimize the temptation will help you to be successful in reaching your overall goal.
**I told Dan during our interview that he is the epitome of what a man of God should be. He understands his role and took ownership of that role as the man in his family.
P.S. Check out Ameka and Dan’s YouTube Channel!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4BBHxsKaoDQ